The Guilt

Today I went to Fukuoka with some of my friends as the AFS volunteers.
It was fun coz we didn't work that much, but we could go to Fukuoka freely and got Subway sandwich for lunch :D.

Fukuoka is a nice city, I wish I had more time there :(((
Fyi, I did not buy anything there so today I did not use my money at all.

Then, I went back to AP ハウスand started to count my weekly expenses.
This is the time when my sin was about to happen.
I was freakin' out when I found out that this weekly expense is much more bigger than last week (basically because 大分交通のtriple切符、バスカード、ユニゴロ、and trial) not to mention the train tickets to 大分 -__________-.
That stupid weekly calculation really pissed me off.
Then my mom called and asked me about how my day was etc, etc.
Since I was not in a good mood, I sounded a bit angry to my mom and I said something insolent to her about something which the moment after I said that I regretted so much.

It is my fault that my weekly expense is that high.
I should have blamed myself, not her.
Stupid me.

The funny thing is, this incident makes me start to think that how if I were my mom and I heard my daughter said that to me?
I can't imagine how many thousand times my mother has forgiven me for my disrespectful words.
I do feel so bad that I am that impertinet to my mother.

There's a phrase that said : "Your mouth is your tiger,"
Hell, it's true.
I wish I could control my damn mouth.

I'm so sorry mom for what I've said.
For every words and attitudes that tear your heart :((((((
I wish I could take back my words.

somehow I wanna say this to someone someday ..

" coz the spaces between my fingers right where yours fit perfectly.."

vanilla twilight-owl city

my biggest fear ?

On this day of your life, Fabiola, we believe God wants you to know ... that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are.

If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

寒い日

今日はさむくて、頭が痛いです　－。－”

what a day!

to be honest, I don't know what it is..

On this day of your life, Fabiola, we believe God wants you to know ... that it is time to finally forgive yourself.
	You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it.

Just The Way You Are

On this day of your life, Fabiola, we believe God wants you to know ... that God is glad that you are You.
	Sure, we all have things we want to change, to improve about ourselves. But underneath the flesh and bone, you are an immortal and perfect soul. Always remember that.

Quarter Break Review

QUARTER BREAAAKKK
Yihaaaa :D:D

It's like an oasis in the middle of the desert.lol :P

On monday, I went to Oita to process the re-entry permit.
We left from AP ハウスat 8.45 a.m and went to the 別府駅
We took the 電車 at 10.27 a.m and around 11 we finally arrive at Oitaaa~

Oita is surely much more metropolitan than Beppu (I still love Beppu though :D)
It's like a Singapore in Japan.
A lot of interesting places, sightseeings, etc etc.

Unfortunately,
it was bloody raining -_____-

I HATE RAIN REALLY!

Every time we went outside the building, bus, or something we had to use the umbrella which was freakingly annoying -.-
not to mention that you would be drenched and so on -.- -.-

Anw, we went to a mall named Park Place which ,for me, looked like La Piazza at MKG.
I mean, seriously, the design, layout, everything are similiar at MKG (again, from my perspective).
I reckon maybe the MKG's architect got the idea to design MKG from here :P

Since there were a lot of people who watched the Harry Potter, we (the ones who didn't watch) went to almost every shops there which made me really exhausted not to mention freezed from the cold weather.

We went home at 10 p.m (from Park Place) and arrived at AP ハウスaround 11 p.m.

Over all, it was quite fun.

my theme song for last couple days :)

I don't know why, but this song keeps swirling in my head recently.
Anw, this song has been cheering me up through my hard times in these last couple days.

These are some parts of its lyric.
Watch the lyric coz the message was hidden within it.

Mimpi adalah kunci 

(Dreams are keys)
Untuk kita menaklukkan dunia  

(for us to conquer the world)
Berlarilah tanpa lelah

(Run tirelessly)
Sampai engkau meraihnya  

(till you reach it)

Laskar pelangi 

(Rainbow troops)
Takkan terikat waktu 

(will not be bound by the time)
Bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa 

(Free up your dreams to the space)
Warnai bintang di jiwa 

(colour the stars in soul)

Menarilah dan terus tertawa 

(Dance and continue to laugh)
Walau dunia tak seindah surga 

(though the world is not as beautiful as paradise)
Bersyukurlah pada yang kuasa 

(Be grateful to God)
Cinta kita di dunia

(for our love in the world)

Selamanya...  

(forever)

Cinta kepada hidup 

(Love to the life)
Memberikan senyuman abadi

(gives the eternal smile)
Walau hidup kadang tak adil 

(Though sometimes life isn't fair)
Tapi cinta lengkapi kita 

(but love completes us)

Laskar Pelangi-Nidji

 

Yeah, life is too damn short to be mourned about.

Coz life is beautiful, 

and how much beautiful it is depends on yourself.

happy friday night!

;D;D

one friday night

This Friday night looks more beautiful after finishing Aye's final exam :)

Million thanks to Canissius Marco Kurnia who has helped me a lot in explaining economic terms whatsoever :D:D

For every happiness and sadness that we have passed together,
I am so grateful for having you as my brother :):)

Thanks for tutoring me for almost every subjects that I've learned in my entire life.
(starts from math, computer, english, econ, physics, and other million things that you have taught me)
Thanks for not being bored to repeat and explain slowly to your dumb sister.
Thanks for being there every time I need you the most.
Thanks for all the advices and encouragements that you gave me.
Thanks for everything from A to Z :):):)























Coco and me at the swimming competition about 10 years ago might be :)

Hope the result will be ok.
*crossing my fingers*

Doa Seorang Pelajar

Tuhan berkati final exam econ ku sore ini.
AMIN. 

Who Know Me?

My mom once said that the one who knows you the very best is mere yourself.

I agree with her.
Theoretically.

But, practically,
to be honest,
in many times,
I don't know what I want.

I don't know why in a minute I can be so happy while the next minute I can be so gloomy.
I don't know why my mood can turn upside down like this.
I don't know why loneliness and desperation can all of a sudden overwhelm me.
I don't know why I can suddenly lose courage and confident to face the reality.

Maybe, I don't know me at all.

  




Yeah, I do really wish like that.

Anw, today is 8 degrees!!
GOSH.

Hope it will be a great day.

*fingers crossed*

まあまあ Monday

MONDAAAYYYY ALREAAADDDYY PEOPLEEE

Still 4 days to go :(

Today my Japanese test results were given
and they were maa maa desu.

There was Salazar's exam too, hope the result will be ok
*fingers crossed*

Then, I had my first choir practice for Christmas Concert in the union when the weather God knows how cold it is -________-

Anw, today is not that bad to start this week :|
まあまあです～

Let's がんばりましょうfor Aye's test!!

Super Random

can't stop looking at the door today, wishing you were here.
hope you feel the same.

why am I trapped into this stupid mushy feeling?

 

anw, hope it will also happen to me (soon).

*crossing my fingers*

TGIF!

TGIF!

What a week!
Everyday, starting from Monday to Friday, is full of tests *groar*
Today, I have 日本語試験！！
Thank God it's over.

Hope the result will be ok
*crossing my fingers*

On this day of your life, Fabiola, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's time you let go.
	Yes, of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing, - it's all in God's hands, - has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest.

Let everything happens according to Your will.

Being Grateful is NOT that Easy

Today is FINALLY Thursday,
which is good because there's only 1 day's left from TGIF.

I don't know why but today,
I'm kinda envy everyone for everything.
I feel that I'm the worst and poorest at everything.
Geez, hate this feeling so much -____________-

At the end of the day, I feel so terrible coz it looks like I am so ungrateful for what I have had and achieved till now.

Damn hormon makes me sentimental like this, I guess.

It's absolutely true that human will never be satisfy for everything that they have coz they always look up and rarely look down.
Maybe it's a human nature or something.

Anw, hope tomorrow will be better .
*i'm crossing my fingers* 

 Yeah, I wish I were more grateful :(

p.s: 明日、日本語の試験もあるでしょ！こまったな！

Dear Heart..

On this day of your life, Fabiola, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's your heart that knows who loves you, not your ears or eyes.
	Listen to the words, and you can be fooled. Look at the actions, and you can be fooled. Feel deeply into your heart, and then you will know the truth. Who makes your heart soar now? Well, what are you waiting for?

 Dear heart,who loves me?

I wish I knew. 
11.11
Pocky's Day

:D:D

On this day of your life, Fabiola, we believe God wants you to know ... that you don't have to be serious to be spiritual.
	Laughter is good! Levity is good! When you allow yourself to be joyful, that joy radiates to all those around you. God honors you and your laughter.

Laughing makes everyone younger, prettier, and healthier!

Being Melancholic

and I wonder if I ever crossed your mind,
for me it happens all the time.

stupid mushy feeling.

anw,
LOVE LADY ANTEBELLUM :)

Maybe

Maybe I shouldn't expect too high
Maybe I should keep my head straight
Maybe I shouldn't hope too much
Maybe I shouldn't that into you

TARGET

JANGAN BELI BELI BAJU LAGI MINGGU DEPAN!!!!

AYO BERHEMAT!!!

Terima Kasih Tuhan :):)

THANKS GOD


My exam result is quite good :):)

bless me for the next exams


*fingers crossed*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I just sent an email regarding my exam score!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It's getting my nerves out !!!!!!!!!

tolong mudah mudahan hasilnya memuaskan Tuhan
amin.

One of My Favourite Quotes

“A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. 

Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. 

This is the man who discovered electricity. 

You think more people would listen to what he had to say. 

 

I don't know why we put things off, 

but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. 

Fear of failure, 

fear of rejection, 

sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, 

because 

what if you're wrong? 

What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? 

 

The early bird catches the worm. 

A stitch in time saves nine. 

 

He who hesitates is lost.

We can't pretend we hadn't been told. 

We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, 

heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, 

heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. 

 

Still 

sometimes we have to see for ourselves. 

We have to make our own mistakes. 

We have to learn our own lessons. 

We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. 

Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. 

 

That knowing is better than wondering, 

that waking is better than sleeping, 

and even the biggest failure, even the worst, 

beat the hell out of never trying.”

 

-meredith grey, grey's anatomy-

My Only Dream, Hope, Aim, Wish,or Whatever-You-Say In This Life

Well, I guess it's a typical every girl's dream :)

Yes it is a fairytale,

but we LOVE fairytales right?

*i'm crossing my fingers*

Today's Message

GOSH
I start to believe that it is really mesage from God coz it does really fit to my condition :):)

LET'S SEIZE THE DAY !!!!!

On this day of your life, Fabiola, we believe God wants you to know ... that if you feel too busy, you are.
	Give yourself permission to be un-busy. Give yourself an hour or a day to simply be. Allow yourself the luxury of a small retreat. Allow your spirit time to be restored. Even God took a day of rest.

I AM BLESSED :)

Love this application :)

On this day of your life, Fabiola, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are blessed.
	You may think you have challenges, but you have so many blessings. Sometimes it takes only a moment of conscious effort to recognize those blessings. Once you focus on the gifts instead of the problems, your whole perspective will change and you will see blessings everywhere.

Random

Today is still Thursday, so there are 4 days to go -____-

I don't know why but today is really not my day at all
Like I keep worrying too much,
either school stuffs
or friends stuffs

Every thing doesn't feel right.
I think I'm so sensitive this day

GOSH, HATE THIS FEELING SO MUCH !!!!

But I can't do anything to fix it :(

I feel a bit better though when I read this :

you are a human being, not a human doing.
	Take time to just be, to breathe slowly, to feel your body that is the temple of your soul. No activities, no worries, no buzzing.

Don't know why, but it perfectly fits to my condition now.

Maybe it's really message from God.

Hope the rest of the day will be better (pleasepleaseplease)
*fingers crossed*