Last remaining days as college student

Some people start posting in the social media about how we should live our last days in college by creating good memories. Well believe me, I want. But the thing is,  recently my life is empty kinda full of disappointments to be exact. A lot of times I wanna just scream, screw u world! Screw my life!

Overdramatic

Well as the title says, I don't wanna be overdramatic for just can't join this camp issue.
It's just a small matter and definitely not the end of the world.
But yesterday I had a dream that there was a possibility for different result.
It is depressing when u remind urself about the one that got away.
They said, even failure beats the hell out of never trying.
But hell, they didn't mention how hurtful a failure was.
Well the truth is freakin hurts.

What meant to be

I just got a reply from ayd saying that I didn't pass the screening to join the camp.
Yep, again, another failure.
Well, it does sting.
But I've prayed to be strong.
Maybe I am supposed to go home.
Maybe it's what meant to be.

"Every silver cloud has a silver lining" -> so they said.

Well, after talking about how-in-life-we-can't-get-what-we-want with my mom, I am now still confused about what I should do for my summer. I really wanna go back home since I dont know if I can have a long holiday after I work. However, it will be also my last summer holiday in Beppu and 1 thing I will miss the most is definitely the Kumon Kids. I know its only 2 years. But from these 2 years, Ive had fun moments with those "potato kids". I may not participate in 2 weeks kumon camp, but screw it, I get 2 years experience with these kids which can't be replaced with these 2 damn weeks, pardon my language. After knowing the result, I convince myself that maybe if I join the camp, I wont have as much as happiness as I have in Kumon now. Well, it hurts sometimes, but I try to let the damn go. I still dunno what to do in summer. Hopefully I will figure it out soon. I have to believe that this is the best option for me. Might not seem to be in the moment, but hell, maybe I will know, or. screw it, i wont know ,but that wont even matter anymore.

This may be random but I do wish that sometime and somewhere in the future, I will have the chance to meet at least 1 of my students, n he/she will have grown up and will still remember me :D

Today both me n my mom get a bad news. Well, I expected myself to be great. My mom wanted her problem to be over. But, like it or not, bad thing happens. I am, for sure, not great at all in the reality. For my mom, problems seem not easily go away. We just have to suck it up. Keeping the faith that by the time we "connect the dots" as what Steve Jobs said, these bad things wont seem to be bad things. These bad things will be our turning points, good things, or even great things.

At least, through these rejections, I have proved "...that failure,even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying."

Failure

So I didn't pass bookkeeping exam that I took last week. I won't say it was not hard but I guess I didn't do that bad though. I dunno.

Recently I have faced so many failures. Well failure in this context is I failed to get what I wanted.
From job hunting to eic to this. It kinda makes me afraid to challenge something. I was not a person who was afraid to fail. But recently since there are so many failures, I feel like what I will do won't work.

Screw the bookkeeping exam. I can take it next time n probably will pass. But the thing is, it's really not about the exam result. It's about me failing all the times that makes me sick. I won't be this desperate if I got what I wanted.

Anw, fingers crossed for honors and ayd.

I desperately need these 2 to happen.

The classic

I just have finished watching this movie called "The Classic"
The reason I wanna watch this movie is coz I know one soundtrack from this movie and kinda interested on how this song seems to always relate to couple running through the pouring rain.

Well before I watched, I read the comments saying that this movie was so touchy, heartwarming, best movie, and other compliments. So, I assumed that it should be a good one rite.

Then I watched.
Apparently it is a very typical romance movie which I could guess the plot correctly.
Seriously it was too predictable and I even got mad since some stories didn't make sense at all, such as:
1st weirdo thing: why the main male actor all of sudden was dead without unknown reason after the main female actress got married with somebody else ? Well most of u will assume that maybe he was heart broken. But actually he got married n had a son after he knew that his loved one was married to somebody else.

2nd weirdo thing:before the two of them got married, he was still love with her  and when they finally met, he lied to her that he already got married. Wth?!! I mean seriously what is the point of that? Did he lie coz he was ashamed that he was blind? Well if he was ashamed, he still got married with other unknown woman at the end.

3rd weirdo thing: after hearing the story from the main female actress's daughter, the son of the main male actor was crying. Wth?? I mean if he finally knew that his dad was his girlfriend's ex, shouldn't he have been surprised instead?

Some people who wrote comments said that the last part of the movie was the very touching one. Well in my case, I got pretty mad since the story didn't make sense at all. One person even mentioned that if u didn't get touched by it, sth is wrong with ur heart. Seriously, I guess I will have never cried watching this movie. What touching moments? They are maddening moments coz they didn't make sense at all.

Well at least now I know why the soundtrack related to the pouring rain.